i don't give up, i just emm..

shock liat ip sementara gue yang turun gara gara mitologi yunani. rasanya gue mau ngamuk. marah marah sama dosen gue. tapi gue pikir pikir lagi, mungkin gue yang salah setengah hati ngikutin mata kuliah itu. dan gue yang kurang giat belajar, berdoa kalo ada maunya aja. ini teguran. gue yang salah jadi gue ditegur. hehe..
gue jadi agak pesimis buat dapet student exchange. tapi boleh kan berharap. dapet alhamdulillah, nggak dapet juga ga papa. sekarang gue ga terlalu ngarep ko.. gue berpasrah diri. kalo emang belom waktunya gue pergi ke jepang, Allah punya rencana lain untuk gue. Allah ngasih apa yang kita butuhkan bukan apa yang kita harapkan. ya kan?
so i don't give up, i just try to let everything flows naturally.. seperti yang digariskan Allah untuk gue. gue belajar ikhlas..

envy

Okay. I’m back to write.
Judulnya envy. Ahaha. So I think u can read what’s on my mind just by see the title, right?

Gue nulis post ini hampir tengah malem. Yeah. I need someone to talk to but I have no one to listen, so I write. Yep! I love blog. It really works in a situation like this.
Haha.
So I’ll start. Gue baru aja tau beberapa nilai gue dari universitas. Ada 3 yang udah keluar. Sisanya tinggal 2. Dan yang 3 itu bisa dibilang bagus banget untuk ukuran otak gue yang gedenya average. Hehe. Mom and Dad are so proud of me. I’ve told them not to be so happy, cos it is not the final score. Tapi tetep aja mereka seneng banget.. ngeliat mereka seneng begitu, gue juga ikut seneng, tapi sedih juga..

Jadi gini, di jurusan gue ada program student exchange ke Jepang, syaratnya : nilai bahasa jepang harus A. Alhamdulillah gue A. tapi kan di jurusan gue ga mungkin cuma 1 atau 2 orang aja yang dapet A, jadi diliat dari IP juga. Tapi karena IP sementara gue sangat memuaskan, nyokap dan bokap gue berharap gue bisa dapet student exchange itu. At least, I know they hope. Yang paling sedih pas bokap gue bilang gini : “Dit, kalo nanti kamu bisa pergi ke Jepang bapak mah ga minta macem macem, bapak cuma mau minta dibeliin alat pancing dari Jepang..”. gimana gue ga pengen nangis dengernya.. setelah apa yang bokap gue berikan ke gue yang ga bakal bisa gue bales meski kerja rodi seumur hidup gue, dia cuma minta alat pancing kalo gue bisa ke jepang. Betapa dia ga pamrih.. betapa dia sayang sama gue..
*hobi bokap gue emang mancing

Terus gue bilang ke nyokap : “Bu, kalo dita ga bisa dapetin student exchange ke jepang gimana? Gapapa kan ya?”. Dan nyokap gue ngejawab : “gapapa, kan bisa nyari nyari pas S2.. bapak ama ibu juga nggak mengharuskan..”.
Gue tambah pengen nangis. Gue tau buat nguliahin gue itu ga gampang buat mereka. Duit itu ga jatoh dari langit meeeen, nor grows up on tree! Dan keluarga gue ga kaya meskipun ga miskin juga. Tapi pasti berat banget nanggung biaya kuliah gue, kos, jajan, makan, ongkos pulang ke tangerang. Ya Allah.. gue baru sadar betapa gue berhutang sangat banyak ama mereka dan mereka nggak pernah memaksa gue untuk berbuat sesuatu yang mungkin gue ga suka atau ga bisa. But I know, and always know that they always keep their wishful thinking : ngeliat gue sukses, bikin mereka bangga!
gue terus kepikiran omongan bokap gue tentang alat pancing dari jepang. Gue pengeeeeen banget cepet cepet bisa beliin alat pancing itu. Gue pengen pengorbanan mereka buat gue selama ini ga sia sia. I must prove that I am a BIG thing!! Jadi seenggaknya meskipun nggak biasa ngebayar ‘hutang-hutang’ gue full ke mereka. At least I want to grant their wish..

Gue bener bener khawatir sama dua nilai gue yang belom keluar.. gue takut dua nilai itu menghancurkan semuanya.. GAH! Gue ga bisa tidur.. kalo gue boleh jujur, misalnya pun gue ga dapet kesempatan buat student exchange itu, gue ga akan kecewa karena gue ga bisa pergi ke Jepang kok (yah meskipun ada lah rasa sedikit kecewa untuk itu). Tapi yang akan menjadi kekecewaan terbesar gue adalah bahwa gue ga bisa memenuhi harapan kedua orang tua gue..

Kadang gue suka iri sama orang orang yang sejak kecil punya kesempatan buat mingle sama dunia internasional. I envy.. deep inside my heart.. I’m jealous.. tapi gue pikir pikir lagi selama ini Allah udah terlalu baik sama gue.. gue selalu dikasih jalan buat bikin kedua orang tua gue bangga, seperti dengan mudahnya DIA memasukkan gue ke universitas gue yang sekarang. So I have no reason to jealous anymore, to envy.. Yang harus gue lakukan sekarang adalah bersyukur dan berdoa banyak banyak supaya Allah menolong gue lagi kali ini. Allah nggak pernah tidur, jadi gue yakin Allah is reading while I’m writing this post. Saat gue ga bisa cerita ke orang orang karena ga ada yang denger ataupun gue ga berani cerita, hanya DIA yang mendengar. Dan blog gue yang jadi saksi.. hehe.. apa sih..
Bloggers, and anyone who read.. please wish me luck for what I’m struggling for.. suatu hari nanti gue akan pulang dari negeri sakura dan membawa alat pancing buat bokap gue :)

Thanks Allah, Mom and Dad, and bloggers dear.. keep wishing, keep dreaming. It will be come true someday..

a good mind writer

i used to write on my blog just for fun, so i have something to do in my spare time. yeah i used to.. but now i realize even i just write for myself, some ppl out there may do a blogwalking someday and read what i've written here, or see the images i've uploaded.
so i don't want them to be not worth things to see or read.
i want to be a good mind-writer.. okay, for me a blogger is not just an ordinary writer. a blogger is a mind-writer. bloggers spill out their thoughts. even they just write about their daily activities they'll spill their thoughts and their feels automatically. thoughts and feels are parts of mind, so i think that blogger equals a mind writer..
i just really wish that what i've written here cud motivate anyone who read, or at least made them happy. i'll learn how to do that. wish me luck.

tumblr

what is tumblr anyway? itu hampir sama ky blog kan?
gue sempet terpikir untuk punya deh.. tapi gue pikir buat apa juga punya blog ampe dua gitu.. ky bisa ngurusnya aja.. apalagi kan gue orangnya angot angotan. ahaha
btw btw, gue baca baca postingan gue yang lama lama nih.. sumpah bodoh abis.
pengen ngerapiin blog ini. tapi males.. haha

eh balik ke topik, soal tumblr nih.. ada yang bisa jelasin ke gue apa kelebihannya? soalnya gue liat beberapa tumblr orang ya sama aja ky blog. so what's so special about it maaan? kasi tau gueee

happy birthday, lil brudda :)

yo yooooo. today's December 25th. Happy xmas for u who celebrate, and happy birthday to my lil' brudda :)

my note on FB

can't see it clearly?

nih isinya :

my big apologize to all of u guys who don't like me cos my style is kinda weird for u.. or my photographs are pretty annoying. everybody has a different point of view and a right to speak.

so i just want to say that i really regret if any or all of my pictures disturbing you.
i know, you know, we see. not everyone is so in to Harajuku style. but i am!! and it's my right to dressed up as i want. yaaaa selama gue ga minta modal ama lu so please just SHUT UP!!
please look at me as the way i am!!
at least, if u don't like my style.. please just keep silent..

so start from now, please stop writing on my wall if all u wanna write is just mocking at my style!!
please stop chat me if all u wanna say is just telling me how strange i am..

i know i am strange but WHAT-ARE-YOU?

it's okay if u think that i am one of what u call A to the LAY

but just FOR YOUR INFORMATION!!! even Gwen Stefanie and Avril Lavigne are so in to Harajuku

so if u don't like my style and u can't keep ur unlikeness for urself, do not say anything and JUST DELETE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST

P.S. : i am getting sick of being underestimated

backkkkkk

i am back bloggers!! almost crazy cos my new life as a college student is rly hard to live.
so it's not easy for me to stay in tune and constantly write on my blog.
so i apologize..

HA-HA-HA
now i am free for a while. libur ampe awal februari coooooy..
alhamdulillah..

btw, wanna share my feeling about college life :

yea.. THIS IS SHIT

gue ga suka ama dosen gue, kadang ga nyaman ama temen temen baru gue, dan pelajarannya nyekek leher.. i am so fucked up beyebeeeeeh. hell yeah..

from me to you

Dear followers. Long time no seeeee. I mean it’s been looooong long time ago since I wrote the last post in my blog (hehe lebay.. paling sebulanan doang sih yaaa gw ga nulis). I’ve been too busy to post anything here. College stuffs. Mulai dari ospek sampe kos kosan. Its sickening!!! Really.
Beside, it rly makes me HOMESICK!! Tapi karena udah sebulan, gue udah mulai terbiasa. I have my own ‘family’ here. Maksud gue, ada 5 orang temen SMA gue yang satu kos kosan ama gue, ditambah Oppon temen sejurusan gue. They’re my happy friendmily.. 5 orang temen gue ada ct, mia, inong, iyas, uchie. Hm hm.. gue ga berasa pindahan ke kosan tapi berasa nginep di rumah temen aja..
Am happy so far.. sebulan ini banyak belajar mandiri dan tabah. Tapi dua hari ini gue kok sedih lagi yaa.. denger inong mau pindah ke STAN.. as i said, everyone is free to catch the sun. Tapi sedih aja inget dulu berjuang bareng bareng. Dan friendmily gue bakal ilang satu. I know i sud not cry.. but i just dont knw why this tears keep falling down. Harusnya kan gue bangga ama inong yaaa.. hehe
Pacar gue bilang kalo gue ga bisa maksain tiap orang buat selalu ada deket sama gue setiap saat. Itu namanya gue egois. But i just don’t know... am pretty egoistic and that’s meeeee. Jujur aja sih gue masih berharap inong berubah pikiran but who am i anyway?? Maaf ya nong gue ga bisa jadi temen yang baik.. tapi i’ll try to support you 100%.
SALAM SUPER NONG!!
These are from me to you.. mudah mudahan lu inget selalu kalo dulunya lu pernah jadi bagian dari yellow jacket and it’ll last forever

YOU, and yr dadakan-roommate

me, you, ct

after the IT day

your profile picture