born to smile

imma harlequin

i was born to smile

no matter how hard it is

i should keep on trying

:)

bubble gum

this is just another digital painting - 2011

honesty

kadang saya bingung sama kamu. saat saya sudah mengikhlaskan kamu untuknya, kamu malah datang manja2 sama saya. saya jaga jarak. takut dia merasa nggak nyaman. saya perempuan, dia perempuan, bagaimana mungkin saya tidak tahu rasanya kalau orang yang saya sayang dekat sama perempuan lain? masa iya saya tega? saya juga takut karma.

tapi kamu tetap begitu. saya langsung tembak kamu soal dia. kata kamu dia bukan siapa-siapa. saya tahu, wahai pria. saya punya mata, saya bisa membaca, saya punya telinga yang keduanya alhamdulillah masih berfungsi. apa kamu terbiasa begitu? kasihan dong dia. kasihan juga saya.

saya tahu semuanya, hanya saja saya pikir "diam"lah yang paling bijaksana. saya masih menunggu kamu jujur, bilang "saya sekarang sudah punya orang yang bisa saya sayangi lebih dari seorang teman". saya nggak akan marah. kamu tahu saya tidak pernah marah sama kamu. kamu tahu saya punya maaf untukmu melebihi jumlah bintang yang ada di galaksi, yang terkadang kamu lupakan di kala hepi, namun kamu cari-cari di kala sepi.

apakah sebegitu sulitnya untuk jujur? oke mari saya bantu. saya sediakan hint untuk kamu. tapi kok kamu mengelak? apa karena hint-nya begitu telak? oke maaf. maaf. maaf. saya salah. saya yang salah. kamu nggak salah dan nggak pernah salah.

心

Di situlah kamu berada. Di ruangan gelap dalam hati kecilmu. Kamu bersikeras menguncinya. Tidak membiarkan seorangpun masuk membawakan penerangan untukmu, kemudian menemanimu hingga tertidur dan kamu akan terbangun pada hari berikutnya yang cerah, sehingga sinar matahari yang hangat dapat masuk ke dalam ruangan di mana kamu berada, di mana kamu selama ini menangisi sesuatu yang hanya kamu tahu apa itu. Namun kamu bahkan tidak membiarkan seorang pun singgah sebentar sekedar untuk menekan saklar lampu agar ruangan itu tidak terlalu gelap bagimu.

Kamu mengabaikan semua orang yang memanggilmu dengan hangat, dengan senyum yang bersahabat. Semuanya terlalu gelap bagimu untuk melihat karena ruangan itu tanpa penerangan. Ketika dirimu yang lain dengan putus asa memanggil-manggilmu untuk keluar dari ruangan itu, memintamu kembali ke alam sadarmu dan bergabung dengan pecahan-pecahan dirimu yang lain, yang lebih bahagia darimu, kamu menoleh sebentar, namun tidak memutuskan untuk kembali. Tidakkah kamu bosan berada di sana? Tidakkah kamu lelah dalam kegelapan yang membutakanmu? Pulanglah sayang.. Aku merindukanmu..

when i'm about to go to walk and my shoes are like.. yeah..

i wear sneakers and sneakers only

for me, sneakers is the best shoes invented. so i believe that you've already knew that i only have one kind of shoes : sneakers.

karena gue udah terbiasa pake sneakers ke mana pun, gue jadi nggak terbiasa pake sepatu jenis lain. sampe-sampe buat ngajar pun gue masih pake sneakers, padahal yang gue ajar itu mahasiswa di sebuah institusi ikatan kedinasan yang notabene pada pake seragam dan sepatu pantofel rapi-rapi.

suatu hari, ibu gue maksa gue buat pake high heels pas ngajar supaya rapi dan matching sama baju (hari itu ceritanya gue feminim pake rok panjang). tadinya gue bersikeras tetep pake sneakers, tapi ibu gue bilang nanti aneh kalo pake rok dipasangin sama sneakers. jadilah gue mengalah dan pake high heels ibu gue.

pas waktu ngajar, karena ga biasa, jalan gue jadi bunyi cetak cetok berisik banget. gue aja merasa terganggu, gimana mahasiswanya.. akhirnya sambil nyengir2 gue bilang "duh saya boleh buka sepatu nggak? berisik gini saya jadi nggak enak.." alhasil mahasiswanya mesem-mesem sambil jawab "boleh sensei.. silahkan.." dan gue dengan tampang lega dan malu nyopot high heels itu sambil bilang "maaf ya saya nyeker..".

okay, i know that's idiot. i'm a girl who doesn't know how to wear a pair of high heels. dan yang lebih penting lagi, kayaknya nggak ada mahasiswa yang berharap punya pengajar kayak gue deh..

eh, anyw.. i want to share a picture of me and some of my students (jarang-jarang kan gue share sesuatu tentang kehidupan pribadi). there, i said it..

hayo tebak gue ngajar di mana?

i hate this feeling

yes

yes

yes

i fuckin' hate this feeling

how about you?

Gemini

if you ever wonder what my zodiac is.. yes, it's gemini :)

Gemini : curious, childlike, talkative.

Gemini is the third astrological sign in the zodiac. In astrology, Gemini is considered a "masculine", positive (extrovert) sign. Perhaps the most dominant Geminian characteristic is versatility. It is also considered an air sign, and is one of four mutable signs. Gemini has been closely associated with the planet Mercury and is considered to be ruled by it. A planet god known for its intelligence, awakening, cleverness, wiseness, high education, wise man, or sage.

amen :)

i was floating in space

hey ho. long time no post here. i was floating in space so i had no chance to post anything here. LOLJK. I've been away from blogspot cuz' tumblr seems won't lemme go. tumblr loves me so much (the fact is vice versa) i'm just addicted to tumblr. you can FOLLOW ME if you want :D

and well.. here are several things i brought you from space. enjoy ;)

latest photoworks

i wanted to submit them for a coffee product photo contest, but i misread the rules. F!

if only i knew that it would be like this, i should change the coffee tumblr to starbucks or somewhat nicer.

blame it on twitter

so this is my personal blog, and so is twitter. so what's the difference? i think twitter is a blog in a micro version, nothing's different. and since it's mine, i'm free to write anything i want there even if it's the harsh one. but everytime i write something harsh on twitter, people will suddenly blame me out and act like they're all the wisest human being alive! hell, you guys are hypocrite! you just don't want to admit it.

i often see my followers who are also my followings, tweet trashes. i don't like it, but i just try to respect them. well yeah. why don't people try to not give a shit to everything others write on the internet? nuh uh.. it's my life. remember when you talk about it, you've never been here. YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN MY POSITION! and FYI, there's the phrase i hate the most. it's : "i understand how's your feeling, but.."

HELL to the NAH! you'll never understand, so don't try to!

FACES

Some of my friends asked me to draw their faces. I'm not good in drawing people's faces. I'm not a realist, my little sister is way better. Check out her blog.

NEW MARILYN MONROE NECKLACE

YAY

YAY

YAY

YAY

YAY!!

actually.. i love everything he does

traditional drawing pencil + drawing pen + markers on paper.

digital coloring & background tone Adobe Photoshop CS2.

texture bokeh made by me using canon EOS 1000D.

Fashion Portfolio 1

model : envy & nirma

model : envy & nirma

model : envy

model : envy

BLAH! I'm sux at makin' fashion portraits. click the pictures for larger images. more images on my deviantART

another design for BRAIN

So, my boss asked me to draw a design for an indie band, and gave me the theme : "ordinary is dead". So i thought it would be nice to make a "DESTROY THE ORDINARY" concept. I'm now working on this. The deadline will be on February 1st which means.. THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Now I understand why people call it "deadline", because this line is so dead! HA!

I am not a left handed, but i can use both hands to draw when needed. LOL

The progress is 70% so far, but i don't feel like I'm in the mood to finish it. oh me.. when will i stop being a procrastinator?

this is what always happens everytime i try to talk to the guy i like

OMG THIS HAPPENS TOO MUCH!

P.S. : click the picture for larger image.

Dear Love

Don't you know that I'm jealous cause you are so kind to every girls you know? You always treat them like you're falling in love with every of them. You do the same to me. It's your fault that i finally fall for you. I love you. It's hard for me to accept the fact that you just like me, not love me. It's hard for me to accept the fact that I'm just one of your girl friends, not a special girlfriend. It's hard for me to hold this one sided love. It's even harder for me to take all of flattering things you do to me, and pretend that they're not special.

So please love, if you can't love me back.. please just don't be that nice to me.. It will help me to move on. You take my heart for granted, thu' i know that you don't mean to. I'm not only loving you, but also hating you right now..

i just want you to know that..

CREDIT

galaxy texture by michalv

photo manipulation by me

Lately

You guys probably want to know what I've done when i was away from blogspot. Haha am i over confident? Well whatever, I just wanna share something.. I am now a freelance illustrator for BRAIN creative-visual. Isn't that cool? ROFL, naaaaw, don't take it serious. But I'm so excited that i got this freelance job finally. So lately, I've been busy drawing some designs for BRAIN and do brainstorming more often.

Here are some DOODLES FOR BRAIN

the process of making

I am not a smooth talker. I don't even know how to start a good conversation with my mind.

i named him "DIDO"

YELP! I lose my BRAIN!

So they're all kind of conceptual doodles except for the 2nd doodle. If you don't get the concept, just ask me then. I'll be glad to explain.

And as i write before, i also do brainstorming more often lately.

Here are some of my "brainstorming things"

Fall to pieces

Somebody tell me what am I?

君に届け

It means “reaching you” in English.

Ah anyway, just in case you don't know "I post my artworks here" doesn't mean "You can copy and paste". You may save my doodles just for private collection and you may not redistribute them anywhere. Thank you for understanding :)

Well I'm not moving

I'm bbbbbbbaaaaaack! actually i've made a new blog yeah, but i don't feel like i want to use it. i've posted some (sooo not important) things there, but then i realized that i love my old blog so much. so here i am, back to the rhymeee.

ah btw, dad bought me a camera on November 17th last year. I gave it name, it's ZooeyD (because i love Zooey Deschanel so much). haha.

These are some images i took using ZoeeyD. My first conceptual photo session with my new soulmate :)

WHEN DOODLES MEET CAMERA

You can see more images taken or concept by me on my deviantART or my FLICKR